I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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