woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
