now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
