Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
