Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
