it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
