I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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