You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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