When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
