I want to have your abortion
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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