halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
