I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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