Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
