I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
