Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
