i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
