I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!