he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
