I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
