WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
