Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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