I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
