i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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