Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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