Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
