Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
