areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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