hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
