I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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