why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
