I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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