just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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