Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize