I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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