I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
