so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
