All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
