PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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