I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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