Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize