I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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