The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
