mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
