You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
