mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
