I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
