I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
