you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
