i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
