she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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