I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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