I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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