i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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