Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw a hot homeless man
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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