I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
