I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
